📡🔥 The WiFIR Blaster™
"When Serial Commands Identify as Infrared"
Pronunciation: "Why-Fire Blaster" or "Wiffy-R Blaster" (both are wrong, which is correct)
Move Over Rover, Let the WiFIR Take Over!
What It Claims To Be
An IR (Infrared) Blaster for controlling your TV and displays over WiFi
What It Actually Is
Serial commands sent over TCP/IP to an NPort device that converts to RS232 to control your TV
What It Contains
- ❌ No Infrared emitters
- ❌ No Infrared receivers
- ❌ No line-of-sight requirements
- ❌ No IR anything
- ✅ Network packets
- ✅ Serial commands
- ✅ TCP/IP sockets
- ✅ RS232 protocols
- ✅ A magnificent lie
The Technology Stack of Deception
What users think:
Phone/PC → WiFi → [IR MAGIC] → TV
What marketing says:
ToteRemote → WiFIR Blaster → Wireless IR → TV
What actually happens:
ToteRemote → TCP/IP → NPort Bridge → RS232 → TV
Marketing Slogans
- "Infrared at the Speed of Light (Because It's Not Infrared)"
- "No Line of Sight? No Problem! (We Don't Use Light)"
- "The Future of IR is No IR"
- "WiFIR: When Wires Are Too Honest"
- "Blasting Through Walls (Because Serial Doesn't Care)"
Technical Specifications
Infrared Specifications:
- Wavelength: N/A (doesn't exist)
- Frequency: 0 Hz of IR
- Range: 0 meters of infrared
- Power: 0 mW of IR output
- Coverage angle: undefined
Actual Specifications:
- Protocol: TCP/IP
- Port: Whatever you configure
- Real protocol: RS232 serial
- Baud rate: 9600/19200/38400
- Data bits: 8 (usually)
- Stop bits: 1 (usually)
The Naming Breakdown
WiFIR = WiFi + IR
But really:
- Wi - Wireless (sometimes - might be Ethernet)
- Fi - Fidelity (to the lie)
- I - Invisible (because it doesn't exist)
- R - Really just serial commands
Alternative Interpretations:
- Why Is Fire Impossible Remotely
- Where Infrared Failed, IP Reigns
- We Ignore Facts, Imagine Remotes
Customer Testimonials
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "I don't understand how it works, but it does!"
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "The IR goes right through walls! Amazing!"
(Editor's note: There is no IR)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Best IR blaster I've ever used!"
(Editor's note: It's their first non-IR blaster)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Works in complete darkness!"
(Editor's note: IR also works in darkness, but this isn't IR)
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How does the IR signal travel through walls?
A: It doesn't. There's no IR signal. It's network packets.
Q: What's the IR wavelength?
A: There isn't one. It's serial over IP.
Q: Can I see the IR LED flash?
A: No, because it doesn't exist. Also, you can't see IR anyway.
Q: Why call it WiFIR if there's no IR?
A: Why does a Firebreathing Jellyfish breathe fire underwater?
Q: Is this false advertising?
A: It's creative naming. Like "IR Blaster" but with WiFi in front.
Troubleshooting
Problem: "IR signal not reaching TV"
Solution: There is no IR signal. Check your network connection.
Problem: "WiFIR Blaster LED not lighting up"
Solution: There is no LED. The connection is over network.
Problem: "Can't find the IR emitter"
Solution: It doesn't exist. You're looking for something that isn't there.
Problem: "Works perfectly"
Solution: Not a problem. That's the serial commands working over IP.
Legal Disclaimer:
The term "WiFIR Blaster" is a creative interpretation of device functionality. "IR" in this context stands for "Impossibly Routed" not "Infrared." Any resemblance to actual infrared technology is purely coincidental and physically impossible. No infrared was harmed in the making of this product because none was used.
In The ELIMS Ecosystem
The WiFIR Blaster represents Fire element's core philosophy:
- Claims one thing (IR)
- Does another (Serial)
- Works perfectly (somehow)
- Makes sense (if you don't think about it)
"Why use light when packets work better?"
The Ultimate Truth
WiFIR Blaster: Because sometimes the best IR blaster is one that contains no IR whatsoever.
It's not a bug that it doesn't use infrared. It's not a feature either. It's a WiFIR Blaster, and that's all the explanation you need.